WE HAVE SEX BUT I WANT MORE

Dear Coleen

I’m a 48-year-old man and I have a female friend in her thirties who I see quite often. We’re both single and have known each other a while and meet up regularly for a drink or go to a show or a gig.

A lot of the time we finish up in bed together at the end of the night, but she never wants to take it any further.

I’ve told her I’d love things to be more official and for us to date properly, but she just says she likes things the way they are and doesn’t want to be tied down.

She loves that we’re the “closest of friends” but doesn’t want more.

I get that she’s younger and perhaps wants different things from life, but what is this if it’s not a relationship? I feel stuck in some kind of limbo. Any advice?

Coleen says

Can you just be her friend – meet up for drinks, then go home afterwards without the sex part? And could she do that, too? I think it’s hard to go back once you’ve crossed the line into a sexual relationship.

So where does that leave you? She’s happy to carry on with this friends with benefits situation, but I think you’ll end up with a broken heart because you want a lot more than she’s willing to give.

At the moment, she’s having her cake and eating it too, while you’re feeling, well, kind of used.

Make a stand – tell her sex is off the table because you’re looking for a proper relationship and then see what happens.

She might think about it and decide she’s willing to give things a proper go.

But if you continue to put up with the status quo, then nothing is going to change in your relationship.