HE’S GONE COLD ON MARRIAGE
Dear Coleen
My boyfriend and I have been together for five years. Three years ago, we started trying for a baby, but really struggled to conceive. It seemed really desperate at one point, but I finally got pregnant last year and we have a gorgeous threemonth-old son.
My problem is, my boyfriend asked me to marry him just before we found out I was expecting, but now he just avoids the subject. I’ve tried to talk to him about dates and venues, but he always just says “we’ve got loads of time”.
Did he only propose because I was so miserable at not being able to get pregnant? I want to sort this out, but I don’t want to pressure him either because it’s been a tough few years.
Coleen says
Well, you have been through a lot and now you have a new baby to care for, which comes with a whole new set of challenges.
Your boyfriend hasn’t withdrawn his proposal, he’s only said you have plenty of time to plan a wedding – and he’s right. Why not focus on this gorgeous new baby you desperately wanted for so long?
Your boyfriend might be feeling a little overwhelmed at being a first-time dad and just wants to get used to this new family dynamic and enjoy his son before moving on to the next thing.
I think he could do a better job of explaining how he feels, so you’re not left feeling so confused and insecure. So why not just say that to him in a non-confrontational way?
Explain that you understand if he wants to put the brakes on wedding plans to focus on the baby and you won’t keep bringing it up.
However, add that getting married is important to you. Then let him mull over it and, in the meantime, enjoy being parents to your wonderful son.
I was shocked by the letter from the 51-year-old single mum regarding her two grown-up daughters who refuse to pay their way and contribute to the household costs (Dear Coleen, March 15).
First, I’d reclaim my bedroom for myself. Then I’d offer them the choice of contributing financially or finding somewhere else to live – which would cost a lot more than the £300 a month they’ve been asked to pay.
This pair have had it too easy for too long. They need to start living in the real world. Jean Mence, Llandysul, Ceredigion, Wales