He’s not bothered that I had sex with his friend

Dear Coleen

I slept with my husband’s friend just once. He is also married, but they have an open relationship.

Seven months later, I told my husband what had happened because his friend kept pestering him for us to carry on going out socially with this guy and his wife.

I refused because it just didn’t feel right after sleeping with him, even though we used to see them all the time. My husband didn’t seem shocked when I told him and said he forgave me without putting up much of a fight.

I regret everything that happened but the problem is that my husband is still friends with this couple. They both text him all the time, although we haven’t seen them for a while as I’ve refused.

However, if it were up to my husband, we’d still be seeing them. Now I’m starting to think that he might have cheated with the wife, as they were in a romantic relationship a few years ago before I came into the picture. This whole situation is making me really paranoid. Can you please give me some advice on what I can do?

Coleen says

So you’ve confessed all to your hubby because you felt guilty and now you’re suspicious of him because he’s said “OK, let’s move on” instead of going nuts and dumping you. We are a funny lot, aren’t we?

You’re thinking, “Why is he being so cool about this? It must be because he’s got something to hide and this lets him off the hook!”

So, you need to tell him how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking instead of driving yourself mad with all manner of scenarios. Ask him why he’s so keen to remain friends with this couple.

Maybe this kind of thing has been going on long before you were involved and, if he admits to anything with the wife, then deal with it from there.

The point is, you’ve realised it’s not for you and that’s what you need to say to him. Maybe they see it as just sex and don’t connect on an emotional level, but that’s not who you are.

So if he wants to get up to that kind of thing with this couple, be clear that from now on you won’t accept it within your relationship. You’ve learnt your lesson, you feel bad about it and you want to make a fresh start.

I think you do have to look at why you felt the need to sleep with this man, though, and what was missing from your relationship.

Good luck!

Husband didn’t seem shocked, so now I’m paranoid