I’M BEING JUDGED AS A MOTHER

Dear Coleen

I have an issue with one of my friends. Her little boy is in the same class as my daughter – they’re both seven – and that’s how we became friends.

My daughter is very spirited and outgoing and, while she can push the boundaries and be a bit naughty sometimes, she’s basically a good girl with a kind heart.

Her son on the other hand is very quiet, sensitive and reserved, which I’m convinced is because she lets him have barely any freedom – a totally different parenting style to mine.

More and more, I’ve noticed her rolling her eyes if my daughter is loud or a bit cheeky and a couple of times she’s reprimanded her – she hasn’t shouted, but has asked her to stop doing something, which I feel isn’t her place. I’m starting to feel judged and also angered by her attitude, but how do I say something when she’s not being that obvious about it?

Coleen says

If you value the friendship, why don’t you get together sometimes without the kids?

You met through your children, but your friendship doesn’t have to revolve around them all the time.

We all think we know what’s best for our kids, but that’s not necessarily what’s best for other people’s kids.

I agree that the eye-rolling is annoying and she ought to leave the discipline to you.

However, I have a feeling that if she’s as strict with her son as she sounds, the tables might turn and she could have a very rebellious teenager on her hands in a few years!

Resist the temptation to snap at her or to tell her to mind her own business because I think the friendship will be done.

But if you go out for a drink, you could always start a conversation about parenting and make your point in a more subtle way.