SHOULD I GIVE CHEATING EX 2ND CHANCE?

Dear Coleen

I split up with the father of my children four years ago after he had an affair with a mutual friend. The affair didn’t last and he moved to Spain where he now lives.

He’s been in a serious relationship for two years, but that’s now ended and he’s been in touch with me recently to say he regrets cheating on me and wants to move back home to give our relationship another go. Because of arrangements for the children, we’ve seen each other quite regularly over the past four years.

I’ve had boyfriends but not a serious relationship in that time. I still have feelings for him, but he hurt me very badly. He’s always been emotionally immature, but maybe he’s grown up. Would I be mad to give him another chance?

Coleen says

If you give him another chance, it should be on your terms and you should take it very slowly. He must prove he’s trustworthy and serious about his commitment. If it’s what he really wants, he should move back home, find his own place and you should date again.

Don’t jump straight back into a relationship (or bed). You need to give yourself time to judge if it’s right for you. He can’t expect to waltz back into your life after what happened just because things haven’t gone well for him.

Think about the impact on the kids too, and managing their expectations. What if he moved in and things turned pear-shaped? That would be confusing for them and they’d have to go through the trauma of their dad moving out all over again.