HAVE WE GOT MARRIED FAR TOO QUICKLY?

Dear Coleen

I got married in February after dating my husband for 14 months. It was a bit of a whirlwind romance – we’d both come out of bad longterm relationships and we moved in together quickly after just three months of getting together.

Our sex life was great – in fact, it was one of the things that made us plough forward into living together and marriage. However, since our honeymoon two months ago, sex has been almost non-existent, which has left me feeling confused.

I have to make a huge effort to initiate it (not great for my selfesteem) and whenever we do it, it’s over pretty quickly.

I’m terrified he’s regretting getting married to me. Have you any thoughts?

Coleen says

Yes, it’s pretty early on in the relationship for sex to go off the boil. However, maybe doing everything so quickly means there’s still a lot of stuff to find out about each other.

He might not be regretting marrying you, but he might be a bit shell-shocked by how quickly it’s happened, especially after coming out of a long-term relationship that ended badly. Maybe he hasn’t dealt with the fallout from that.

Sex is important, but it’s not the whole picture and you need more than sexual compatibility to sustain the relationship.

Rather than trying to initiate sex all the time, try talking to him about how you’re feeling, but try not to be accusatory. And ask him how he’s feeling since you got married. Putting less emphasis on sex and trying to reconnect outside the bedroom might help.