LOSING MATES BECAUSE OF MUM

Dear Coleen

I’m a 15-year-old girl and my mum won’t give me any freedom.

My friends are always inviting me out and over for sleepovers at their houses but I always have to say no, which is frustrating as well as embarrassing.

I’ve argued with her over it a lot. Her attitude is that she trusts me, but not other people. I’m not the type of girl who’s into drink and drugs – I’m way too sensible.

I’m worried I’ll have no friends left at this rate because they’ll just stop asking and won’t want to hang out with me. What can I do to get through to my mum?

Coleen says

I’ve been on both sides of this, so I get it. When my kids were your age, I had to talk myself out of saying no all the time because I was a bag of nerves every time they were out with their mates. The teenage years are a hard transition for parents, too.

How about suggesting a compromise – ask your mum if your friends can come to yours to hang out or for a sleepover?

If she gets to know them better, she’ll hopefully start to let go of the reins a bit and let you have more freedom.

And she’ll get to know their mums, too, so they can talk and share any concerns. It’s about building confidence and trust.

I know it must be frustrating, so explain to your mum you’re worried your friendships are being affected.

I’m sure she wants you to have good friends, so she might reflect on that.

Also, be honest with your mates – say it’s not you who’s saying no, it’s your mum who’s saying no.

I’m sure they’ll understand.