SHOULD I BE HAVING MORE SEX?

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman in my early 30s with two small children, a job and a house to run. I barely have time to shower, let alone anything else, yet I’m being made to feel inadequate about how often I have sex with my husband.

I was out with a group of friends the other night and they were all saying they do it four or five times a week – that it’s “normal”.

I just laughed along, making out it was the same for me, but in reality we probably get round to it once a week (at the weekend).

Is this infrequent sex a threat to our relationship?

Coleen says

Have you stopped to think they might be stretching the truth? I would imagine that most couples with young kids would think five times a week is almost verging on the impossible!

Look, what’s normal for one couple isn’t normal for another. There is no normal. Some couples might do it once a month and be happy with that.

Don’t compare yourself to others – if you and your husband are OK with the way things are, then it’s not a threat. The important thing is that you’re both on the same page.

However, if all these bedroom boasts have made you realise you’d like to make love more often, then there are ways to create more space for sex.

For a start, both go to bed at the same time every night (that creates opportunity, right?), but it doesn’t have to be always at night when the kids are in bed.

Grasp moments when they’re out at parties or staying with the grandparents, but don’t feel pressured into it either.

It’s hard not to compare yourself to others but, trust me, I have a lot of close friends who claimed for years that their sex lives were perfect and then ended up in the divorce courts.

All this talk can be a smokescreen for what’s really going on.