Sex life is boring which has led me to cheating

One-night stand reminded me what I’m missing

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my girlfriend for four years and I genuinely love her and care about her.

However, our sex life has always been pretty boring, which is frustrating for me.

She hardly ever wants to make love and, on the rare occasion we do, she isn’t adventurous at all and looks as if she just wants to get it over with as soon as possible.

I’ve actually never been able to talk to her about how I feel because I think she’d die of embarrassment and wouldn’t be able to be honest with me.

I’m ashamed to say that a few weeks ago, after a few drinks, I hooked up with this girl from work and we had sex. It was very good and reminded me what I’d been missing these past few years, and how great it would be if the sex was good with my girlfriend.

It was only a one-night stand with this colleague, as I made it clear I wouldn’t cheat on my girlfriend, but I can’t stop thinking about that night and wanting to do it again. What should I do about my relationship?

Coleen says

Do you really think she’d die of embarrassment or will you be the one embarrassed talking about it? I think you’re assuming quite a lot here.

Even if it’s awkward, you have to talk about it if you want your relationship to survive. However, you’re far from being alone – so many couples I speak to don’t or can’t talk about sex.

Psychosexual therapy could help you break down some barriers, which I know sounds odd because you’d be involving a stranger.

However, the therapist will talk to you individually before starting joint therapy, so you can say certain things you might find too difficult to say in front of your partner. If you did seek therapy, you’d have to disclose the one-night stand.

But let’s get one thing straight here – you said you don’t want to cheat, but you’ve already done that.

It might have only been one night, but it’s still cheating! And I think you did it because you can’t be honest with your partner.