I’m unfairly accused of wrecking his marriage
Dear Coleen
I came out of a long-term relationship about a year ago and was determined to go it alone for a while. Later, I was introduced to a great guy who shares my interest in cycling.
We became friends and I found out he was going through a messy breakup with his wife, but there was never even a hint that he fancied me.
Fast forward a few months and I began to see him more after he’d left his wife and moved into a rented flat. Gradually, we fell for each other and now we’re in a proper relationship.
However, his parents, ex and kids believe I’m to blame for splitting up his marriage, which simply isn’t true. His ex has told their kids their dad was having an affair with me and his mum gave me a torrent of abuse when I bumped into her in the supermarket.
I can’t believe I’ve got myself into this after coming out of a toxic relationship. I do love my boyfriend and I know he feels very bad that his family is acting out like this. Why won’t they listen to the truth and what can I do?
Coleen says
Look, they want someone to blame and project all their hurt and anger on to, and you’re the easy option. Rather than look at herself and accept her part in what went wrong in the marriage, his ex is blaming you because it’s convenient and it means she doesn’t have to face the truth.
It sounds like things are still raw and emotions are running high, so give it some time. It’s up to your boyfriend to be strong with his family and reiterate that you weren’t involved and ask his ex-wife to stop lying to their children and badmouthing him.
She’s using them to hurt him because that’s all she’s got, but the people she’s hurting most are the kids.
Having got yourself out of one toxic relationship, you have to decide what you’re willing to bear and what you’re not up for.
If you really love this guy and think you have a future together, then you’ll get through it together. Let him deal with his family and wait for the dust to settle.
We fell for each other after they had separated