I’m struggling to move on from ex who’s cut me off

Dear Coleen

I’m a 66-year-old man and, about this time last year, I met a beautiful lady in my local pub who is 15 years younger.

We started a relationship which blossomed over the Christmas period and into the New Year. We went away for weekends together, I helped her with her dog grooming, boarding and walking business, and it was good apart from one thing – intimacy.

I have had prostate cancer which has left me with erectile dysfunction. This lady knew about the problem but couldn’t come to terms with it. Then in the spring I found out I had lung cancer and shortly after I had a heart attack. While all this was going on, her messages petered out and she told me eventually she only wanted to be friends which I accepted.

Then, out of the blue, it was all over – I couldn’t contact her, she wouldn’t answer my calls or reply to my texts.

Then a couple of weeks ago, I bumped into her while she was walking a dog and she told me I didn’t exist any more. I feel so hurt, lost and upset – how do I carry on and get this woman out of my head?

Coleen says

I can see the end of this friendship has come as a huge blow and you must be feeling it a lot as you’re battling these health problems. You’ve been hit from all sides and it’s tough and feels cruel.

But here’s the thing, at this point you don’t need someone in your life who isn’t committed. It’s a distraction from what you should be doing – focusing on your wellbeing and using your energy to fight your way back to health.

I think what she did wrong was to leave you dangling, saying the relationship was over but she wanted to be friends when she didn’t want that either. Perhaps she was trying to let you down gently, but it’s made things worse because she’s given you hope.

In terms of moving on, time is a great healer.

Now you know it’s over, you can focus on bringing positivity into your life and relying on people you know are there. Don’t shut yourself off – invite people in for their support.

I’ve been ill with cancer, and her messages ended