SHE’LL SULK IF I SAY NO TO SEX

Dear Coleen

My girlfriend and I have been together for 18 months and I’d say we have a good relationship and things are going well.

We have a good sex life, but if I’m not up for it one night because I’m tired or need to get up early, she takes it really personally and sulks for ages afterwards.

She’s even said things like, “Well, I’ll find someone who does want to have sex with me”.

I think she’s being unreasonable because we have sex quite a lot – it’s not like we go weeks or even days without it. What do you think?

Coleen says

It sounds as if she could have insecurities. She may be using the fact you want to have sex with her as proof that she’s sexy and desirable, and you love her.

Maybe the thing to do is reassure her that not wanting to have sex sometimes doesn’t mean the relationship is under threat and you don’t fancy her.

It’s perfectly normal not to feel like it sometimes and a healthy relationship should be able to withstand that. But maybe give some thought to how you turn it down, i.e. don’t roll over and say you’re tired.

Tell her you’d love to because she’s the sexiest thing on legs, but you’ve got a 6am start the next morning, and you’ll be looking forward to the next time.

I was interested in the letter from the woman whose daughterin-law makes no effort to be part of the wider family and doesn’t want children, (Dear Coleen, Oct 10).

I was in a similar situation with my son’s girlfriend and I became upset because having grandchildren didn’t seem to be on the cards. It later emerged they’d been trying unsuccessfully for years to have a baby, but had kept it to themselves.

Sometimes we don’t know people’s personal struggles – even those close to us – so it’s vital to keep that in mind. Kay, via email