FAMILY WON’T ACCEPT THAT I’VE COME OUT

Dear Coleen

I came out to my family as a gay man a couple of months ago, and although my mum was brilliant about it, the rest of the family hasn’t been so accepting.

My brother, who’s two years older than I am, almost took it personally – it became about him and not me – and my grandparents don’t believe it and just think I’ll change my mind as I’m only 22!

It’s not what I’d hoped for, although I don’t regret coming out, and my mates have been great – most of them knew anyway. Can you give me any advice?

Coleen says

I think it’s fabulous you’ve come out – you’ve done the right thing for you. What I’ve said to gay friends in the past is that you can only hope everyone is cool about it and accept not everyone will understand, but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t come out.

I have a gay friend whose brother took it badly and their relationship struggled. Luckily, his other siblings and his mum were great. However, he and his brother are now very close, but it took him some time to feel comfortable with it – perhaps he was struggling with his own insecurities and attitudes.

So try not to take it personally. If you were close to your brother, perhaps he feels stupid he didn’t know, or maybe he’s worried about how it reflects on him. But it’s his issue and up to him to get to grips with it – you don’t have to change who you are.

Gradually things will feel more normal. As for your grandparents, if you’re worrying about it, why not ask your mum to help you by talking to them?