I’M RELYING ON MY BOYFRIEND FAR TOO MUCH

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my boyfriend for six years – we’re both in our late 20s and have an 18-month-old son.

I’m happy, but the problem is I’ve become too reliant on him and we do everything together, to the point where I’ve started to worry about doing anything on my own or with other people.

I feel I’ve kind of lost my identity somewhere along the line and don’t know what to do about it. Is it laziness or fear? I don’t know.

Do you think it’s an issue and what do you suggest?

Coleen says

I think you can lose yourself in your partner and it’s not healthy for any relationship. You need other people and interests outside of your relationship too.

I think you just have to see it as a rut and if you got into it, you can get out of it.

It’s normal to become more wrapped up in your home life when a baby comes along, but not to the point where you’re becoming isolated from others and starting to feel fearful of doing anything on your own.

You will have to make a bit of effort and reach out to friends and family. Suggest a coffee or dinner or a walk in the park with your friends who have kids. You might have to force yourself a bit at first, but the more you do it, the less of an issue it will be.

Having a young child is a great avenue for meeting people and socialising. I know when my kids were young, I relied on other mums for a laugh as well as advice. So don’t worry about it, but just start taking those first steps.