Embarrassed that I still live with my parents at 28

Dear Coleen

I’m a 28-year-old man and still live at home with my parents. I’d love to move out, but I can’t afford to buy my own place, even though I have a decent job.

I live in London, so rents are skyhigh too, and I don’t want to throw my money away when I’m trying to save for a deposit to buy somewhere.

I’m really grateful to my parents that I’m able to stay and they’re pretty reasonable, however my mum still worries if I’m home late or I don’t tell her where I’m going and who I’m with. I’d think it was fair enough if I were 17, but I’m a grown man with a job!

The other issue is, I’ve been dating a great girl for a couple of months and haven’t invited her back to meet my parents yet because I feel a bit embarrassed about the whole living with them situation.

I’m also worried my mum might embarrass me in front of her – not intentionally (she’d never do that), but just because she fusses around me.

How can I get my mum to back off a bit without offending her?

Coleen says

OK, full disclosure – my eldest son Shane is 31 in December and he’s back living at home with me. I have to admit, I still get him to text me to let me know when he’ll be back if he’s out for the night! He moved back for the same reasons as you – he was working so hard and all his salary was going on rent and bills.

Look, these days it’s the way of the world. Lots of young people are staying at home longer because it’s very hard to get on the property ladder, and as you say, rent is astronomical, too. I think in our country we have this idea that as soon as you’re technically an adult, you move out. But that’s not the case in other countries – in Italy, for example, it’s very normal to live with extended family.

So, the bottom line is, don’t feel embarrassed. You’re doing a sensible thing, saving to get a place of your own, and your girlfriend should be understanding of that.

Of course you can have that conversation with your mum and ask her to cut you a bit of slack. But why not reassure her as well by being responsible and saying you’ll let her know when you’ll be home or if you’re staying out.

It takes seconds to send a text and that’s all we need as parents – “I’ll be home late, so don’t wait up”, Or “I’m staying with a friend. See you tomorrow”.

I think you’re worrying unnecessarily about what your girlfriend will think. She’s dating you, not your parents, but I’m sure she’d like to meet them nonetheless.

Mum worries if I don’t tell her where I’m going