I FEEL GUILTY MY SON HAS NO REAL DAD

Dear Coleen

I’m 32 and a single mum to a gorgeous little boy, who’s two.

I’ve had a disastrous dating history and my last relationship – with my son’s father – ended during my pregnancy after he cheated and I threw him out. He’s taken no interest in his son and is now with another woman, and I’ve had to accept that he probably won’t be part of my son’s life.

We’re doing okay, but I feel so guilty that my son doesn’t have a father in his life and I’d dearly like to meet someone. However, I’m also wary because we’ve made a nice life for the two of us and I don’t want to shatter that with another useless partner.

Maybe I’m better off on my own, but I worry for my son and I know he’s going to start asking questions soon.

Coleen says

Well firstly, stop feeling guilty. You sound like you’re doing a great job with your son and many singleparent families do just fine.

Ideally you’d like your ex to be involved with your son to some degree and perhaps that will be possible in the years to come – but you can’t force him to do it. It’s his loss, but I hope he is at least contributing financially.

I don’t think you should be going out looking for a father for your child, again it’s not a situation you can force. You should want to meet someone because they’re right for you and, hopefully, the relationship will evolve and that person will become great step-father.

I’m afraid you get mum guilt whether you’re in a relationship or not. There is no such thing as the perfect family. I’ve been through two divorces and I got things wrong with my kids sometimes, but I did the best I could.

It’s natural to worry when you’re a parent, but you’re giving your boy everything he needs. It takes a village to raise a child and I’m sure you have other people in your life.