Dear Coleen

LAZY SON JUST DRIFTS AND HAS NO PROPER JOB

My son is 25 and directionless in life, yet expects us to pick up the slack. He left university three years ago and has drifted ever since, but he doesn’t seem in the slightest bit bothered. He writes music and has other so-called “creative projects”, but other than casual work, he shows no wish to get involved in the real world and get a proper job.

In the jobs he has had, he’s complained that people don’t understand him or the hierarchy in the workplace isn’t to his liking and he ends up leaving. He seems more concerned about causes and protests than earning a wage. He’s quite happy with this situation, which is even more annoying!

I actually really admire that he’s passionate about things that matter but, at the same time, I’d like him to build a career. His dad and I are from working-class backgrounds and have grafted really hard to achieve what we have. We just don’t get it!

Coleen says

I would probably start by telling him you admire that he cares so much about various causes, but that he can still support them if he has a job, and especially if he has a good job because he’ll be able to contribute more.

He could also start looking for a career, in the charity sector, for example, that involves helping others, but which he gets paid for. He can make money and pay his way and still help good causes.

Perhaps you can help him to do a bit of research into finding a career he can be passionate about. But it’s OK to remind him that real life involves being able to support himself. By paying taxes he’ll be contributing to services such as the NHS. Maybe a wake-up call is what’s required!