Dear Coleen

DAUGHTERS ARE WARY OF MY NEW PARTNER

I’m a widower aged 67 and met a fantastic woman last year, who’s also widowed, and we’ve been seeing each other ever since.

We’re together as a couple, but we still have a lot of independence. We don’t live together and only stay at each other’s houses occasionally. We enjoy taking trips, going to shows and so on and it works.

However, my two grown-up daughters have been mean-spirited about the relationship and unwelcoming to her. They don’t think she’s serious about me and they’re worried she’ll break my heart, even though it’s an arrangement that suits us both.

I don’t expect my daughters to have a relationship with my partner or even like her, but I expect them to be polite and let me get on with my life. Any suggestions?

Coleen says

I think the last paragraph of your letter is what you should say to your daughters. And add that they ought to trust you to make your own choices – something you’ve been doing for several decades!

I’m sure your daughters would be equally upset if your partner sold up and moved in with you – they’d probably be worried she was a gold digger.

However, it might help to find a little empathy for them. They probably feel extra-protective towards you since losing their mum. So even if they’re being unfair and little unkind, they love you and don’t want you to get hurt.

Also, if she’s the first woman you’ve been serious about since your wife died, they might be feeling other things – jealousy and a worry over betraying their mum’s memory.