Dear Coleen

DRIVEN MAD BY SONS ARGUING ALL THE TIME...

I have two sons aged eight and 10, and they fight constantly, to the point where I feel like bashing my head against a brick wall! I have to separate them on car journeys so the eldest sits in the front with me, otherwise they’d be hitting each other and I have to pull over.

It’s sad because they are both lovely to their own friends and play very nicely – they just can’t get along with each other. I find myself yelling all the time, which is stressful and I don’t want to do it. Any tips?

Coleen says

First of all, stop yelling – it doesn’t work and it only leaves you feeling stressed and bad afterwards. I think you have to come up with a plan for the next time they fight and agree (with your partner if you have one) to stick to it.

Talk to your sons when they’re not in the middle of an argument about what’s going to happen the next time they fight – there have to be consequences, whether it’s no TV or computer games or a cancelled playdate.

It might also help to come up with a couple of activities that they can enjoy together so they can bond over a shared interest.

But just to reassure you, this kind of sibling rivalry is so common – I experienced it myself with my two sons when they were young. It was like World War III in our house sometimes! As they got older, they became the best of friends and are still very close, but we had to go through that phase.

I think some of it has to do with age and asserting their individual personalities. Hopefully, once they realise there are tough consequences for fighting, they’ll start to work together to diffuse disputes before they erupt.

Good luck!