Dear Coleen

TOO TIRED FOR SEX BUT HUBBY DOESN’T GET IT

I’m too tired for sex most nights and it’s starting to cause tension between my husband and me, as he always seems up for it! He’s busy and tired, too, but it doesn’t seem to affect his libido.

I’m starting to get annoyed now by his advances and feel like decamping to the box room. Why can’t he just give me some breathing space when I’m feeling exhausted?

We both work full time and have two young children – one at nursery and one at school.

Can you help?

Coleen says

Once sex starts becoming a “thing” I think your libido can very quickly limp off and die.

You’re both busy with two young children and work, so it’s not a case of relaxing when you get home at night. I wonder if you could share home responsibilities?

Also, I think you need to shift alone time (and sex) up the priorities list. It sounds unsexy and unromantic, but work out a schedule, even just once a week to start with. Maybe your parents could have the kids for a night so it’s just you two. You need to create the opportunity and the right environment so you’re relaxed.

The danger is, the less you do it, the less you feel like it. However, sometimes when you’re not in the mood, you find that within minutes you’re into it and, actually, it’s nice.

I think all couples with children can identify with feeling tired, but it’s also important to make sure your marriage is good and remember you’re a couple. But you can’t expect it to be the same as before the kids came along.

Talk to your husband and explain how you feel – that you feel you’ve lost touch with the sexual side of yourself and talk about ways to rebuild intimacy. You can build up to it gradually.