Dear Coleen

NEW LOVE HATES ME HELPING OUT MY WORRIED EX

I split up with a long-term girlfriend last year. I felt bad about it at the time, but I knew I didn’t feel the same about her any more and that breaking up was for the best.

I loved her as a friend (and still do), but that was it. Having said that, we have a lot of history together and I care about her.

She’s been in touch a lot recently, as she’s hooked up with a guy who drinks too much and gets into these childish rages and storms out.

But she says he’s never violent and she’s sure he wouldn’t be, as that’s the first thing I asked her.

He’s mainly hot-headed and unreliable, and she never knows where she is with him. She says he’s immature.

I want to be there for her, but I’m seeing someone else who isn’t that happy I’m spending so much time talking to my ex.

What do you think I should do?

Coleen says

Stop talking to your ex. It’s really not fair on your new partner. It’s nice that you care and want her to be happy, but her new relationship isn’t your responsibility and only she can change the situation.

I wonder if she’s using the drama with her partner to cling to you, hoping you’ll be this knight in shining armour and save her.

The bottom line is, if you want your new relationship to work, you need to put 100% into that.

I think it would be different if your ex was a platonic friend, but she’s an ex and you haven’t been apart for that long.

If you’ve moved on with someone else, you have to move on mentally and emotionally too.

There’s no need to be unkind, but just be honest that you can’t be available all the time because you’re also in a new relationship.

Why not have a word with her friends. Tell them you’re concerned, and ask them to keep an eye on her?