Dear Coleen

HE’S POPPED QUESTION AFTER A MONTH

I started dating someone after meeting at a Christmas party. We hit it off immediately – it was love (or more probably lust) at first sight and we’ve been seeing a lot of each other ever since.

My problem is that he proposed last week and it completely floored me – not what I was expecting at all.

I was so shocked and said, “Um, maybe”, which obviously changed the mood of the evening.

Things have been really awkward since, not least because I’m sure he feels like a prat.

He’d made a big deal of taking me to an expensive restaurant and he even had a ring, which I gingerly handed back to him the same night, telling him I’d think about it. I feel bad for him, but just think it’s too soon.

Any thoughts?

Coleen says

I think you’re completely right and it would be far worse to lead him on.

I think you just have to break the awkwardness by saying:

“You might be the one and we might end up happily married, but it’s too soon and we don’t know each other properly yet. “

I do think it’s odd (maybe slightly desperate) to propose after a month of meeting or maybe he’s just hugely romantic.

But if he can’t handle your decision, you’ll know he’s not the right man for you.

When you walk down that aisle, you want to be sure and you want it to be forever, not because you made the decision on a whim, hoping it would work out. Right now, you’re in the throes of romance and it’s very easy to get carried away by that.

I know because, over the years, I’ve had many letters from readers who married too quickly and regretted it afterwards.