Dear Coleen

I WANT HIM BACK BUT DON’T WANT TO BEG

I separated from my husband 18 months ago. There were no third parties involved – we just couldn’t get along. He’s living in a rented flat while I’m in the family home with our two children.

My problem is, even though he’s unbelievably stubborn and unwilling to admit to his faults, I still love him and want him back.

However, he says that because I’ve had a couple of dates in the past six months it shows I’m not serious about a reconciliation.

I think my ex still loves me, but is too proud to admit it and won’t allow himself to be vulnerable and honest about our relationship.

I feel the more I suggest we try again, the more he simply pushes against it.

Any advice?

Coleen says

Um, he doesn’t want to work on your marriage, yet expects you not to date anyone else? Who does he think he is? It’s ridiculous to expect that of you. He either wants to have another go at the marriage or he doesn’t. And, if he doesn’t, then both of you should be free to move on with your lives, which may include dating other people.

I don’t think you should beg him or nag him – just tell him one last time that you’d like to try again and let him think about it.

Maybe relationship therapy is the way forward, but for that to work he would need to be prepared to be honest and vulnerable.

However, if he really doesn’t want to have another shot, then make it clear you will move on.

This might also be a good opportunity to talk about finalising the separation by starting divorce proceedings.