Dear Coleen

MY BEST MATE TOLD ME THAT HE LOVES ME

I have a male best friend who I’ve known since our university days. We haven’t been in touch a lot over the past few years because his latest girlfriend felt threatened by our friendship.

She basically told him not to see me and, to be honest, although I felt hurt, I kind of understood. We kept in touch with the odd email and via social media.

However, he’s now broken up with this woman and I’ve seen him a couple of times for a drink.

The last time we got together, we both had a bit too much wine and he admitted he’s in love with me. I was pretty shocked, but also quite flattered and excited. If I didn’t have a boyfriend, I’d be very tempted to give it a go, but I’ve been seeing someone for the past three years.

I wouldn’t say there’s fireworks and he’s the love of my life, but, at the same time, he’s a really great guy and I’d hate to hurt him.

I feel so conflicted – what’s your take on it?

Coleen says

I think this confession could change your friendship – it’ll be hard to be just mates from now on.

What’s interesting is that it’s made you doubt your relationship, so perhaps you need to focus on that and decide if you want to continue it. Maybe you’ve been hoping for someone to come along and provide the fireworks?

Yes, breaking up is tough, but you can’t stay with someone just because they’re a nice person.

But be careful in terms of your expectations of this best mate – some friendships can blossom into great romantic partnerships, but not all. You might discover that you two are better off as mates.

I just wonder, if you’ve been close for a long time why nothing has happened before?