Dear Coleen

Sadly, my elderly mum died a few weeks ago, but I was shocked and upset to find out she’d left what money and assets she had to a friend who had cared for her over the last couple of years of her life.

Of course I would have expected my mum to leave this friend something because she was so good to her, but not everything.

I’m a single woman and work hard to pay the bills, and my mum must have known that money would have helped me.

Also, it’s not just about the financial stuff – it’s the fact that she thought more of this woman than she thought of me. Well, that’s what it feels like.

She did leave me a few bits of jewellery that have sentimental value – her wedding and engagement rings and a few other pieces, as well as our family photographs – but nothing of any real financial worth.

Am I a bad person to feel this way when my mum’s died? It’s consuming my thoughts every day and I’m struggling to believe she actually did it.

I don’t want it to all be about money, but I feel hurt and confused.

I don’t think you’re bad to feel this way and I understand you being shocked and disappointed, but I don’t think it’s going to help to dwell on it.

It was her money to do with as she pleased – she could have left it to charity but she chose this friend.

Perhaps she felt she wanted to give something back to this woman who had spent a lot of time caring for her.

I don’t think it means she didn’t love you and it certainly doesn’t mean she valued this friend above you.

In fact, she left you the things that really meant something to her – her wedding and engagement rings and other jewellery that was precious, and the family photographs.

Maybe there’s a message in that to you – this is what’s important in life: things that have special memories attached to them and to remind you of those important family relationships.

I think it’s hard for you at the moment because your grief is still raw, but hopefully, in time, you’ll be able to appreciate that she had her reasons for making these decisions.

I think bereavement counselling would also help you to come to terms with things.

It has left me feeling so terribly hurt and confused