Dear Coleen

MUM’S ANGRY ABOUT DAD BUT I LOVE HIM

I’m a 15-year-old girl and my parents divorced two years ago. My mum found out my dad was seeing another woman and that’s what led to the split. It was horrible because my mum was so angry and she still is.

I love my dad, even though I know he hurt my mum, and I find it hard when she says horrible things about him or complains when I see him.

She always wants to know what we’ve done, if he’s said anything about her and what his girlfriend is up to.

I know my mum is devastated by what happened and I don’t want to hurt her more, but she’s not thinking about my feelings. Have you any advice?

Coleen says

I know you love your mum, but I think she’s wrong to project all her negative feelings about your dad on to you. And she shouldn’t expect you to be some kind of go-between, passing on information about your dad and his girlfriend. I think she’s doing it because she’s hurting and she’s angry, but it’s not fair on you.

I don’t think you should shy away from talking to her about how you feel, while letting her know you love her and that you understand why she feels angry about what’s happened.

So the bottom line is, you can be honest with your mum while still being sensitive to her feelings.

I also wonder if there’s anyone else you can confide in about this – another relative you get on well with or even a counsellor at school.

But it’s important to talk about it, so you don’t feel like piggy in the middle between them and can have positive relationships with both parents.