Dear Coleen

My son has been married for six years and has three-year-old twins who are adorable. However, I’m very worried about him. His wife is a nightmare, but it’s worse than that – I actually think she’s mentally abusive.

She’s incredibly spoilt and nothing is ever good enough for her, which she doesn’t mind telling him, me and anyone else who’ll listen. This is despite the fact she doesn’t have to work, while my son works incredibly hard doing very long hours to give her and the children everything he can.

She’s angry and shouty a lot of the time and constantly has a go at him about things, and I just worry he’s at breaking point. She’s always comparing him to his friends or her friends, which must damage his self-esteem. Yet he’s a lovely, clever, handsome guy and she’s lucky to have him.

Once she was bad-mouthing him to me and I had to say, “I’m his mother, please don’t say these things to me because it’s upsetting”. He has hinted about leaving her but is worried what will happen to the kids.

Any advice as to what I can do?

First of all, if they were to divorce, a court would decide on arrangements for the children and it’s very unlikely your son wouldn’t get to see them.

But let’s rewind a bit – he and your daughter-in-law must have been happy once and I wonder what’s changed to make her behave like this. Is she depressed, stressed, unfulfilled?

Has having the children had an impact on their relationship so they’ve grown apart and grown to resent each other? She definitely sounds angry, but instead of dealing with her anger constructively – reaching out to others, asking for help, having counselling – she’s just venting it in ways that’ll damage the marriage and potentially affect the children, too.

Could you suggest relationship counselling? Could you be honest with her and tell her you’re very worried her anger is damaging the family and that your son is at breaking point?

Given the coronavirus situation, this isn’t the time to offer to help with your grandchildren but, hopefully, in the not-too-distant future you will be able to do this, which will give them some space to see if they can reconnect as a couple.

She’s spoilt and nothing he does is good enough