Dear Coleen

IS IT NORMAL TO STILL MISS MY LATE WIFE?

My wife passed away three years ago and I still struggle a lot with missing her. I have actually got used to living on my own, so this self-isolation situation is easier for me. However, I don’t feel I can burden my grown-up children or my friends when it comes to talking about my wife – plus, I wouldn’t want to upset my kids.

Is it normal to think about her a lot, even though it’s three years since her death? Also, do you have any ideas as to what I can do?

Coleen says

Of course it’s normal – there’s no time limit on grief. Firstly, I don’t think any of your family or friends would mind you talking about your wife and acknowledging you still miss her a lot. I’m sure they would be nothing but supportive.

However, they’re probably taking their lead from you – if you’re not reaching out, they might assume you’re coping well or might be nervous of talking about her in case they upset you.

But if you really feel you can’t talk to someone close to you, then think about bereavement counselling – there’s no time limit on that either. My sister did this for many years after her husband died. Start by visiting cruse.org.uk.

Of course you’re going to have low times and days when something completely random will trigger memories of your wife. Maybe those days are when you pick up the phone and just talk to your kids or share some happy memories of your wife with them.

Equally, you mustn’t feel guilty for moving on with your life – trying new things and connecting with people. I’m certain your wife would want you to be happy and lead a full life.

Good luck.