Doctor Miriam
My guide to good mental health during isolation
The strain of being selfisolated or in lockdown is affecting millions of us. And with the prospect of being stuck in our houses for the foreseeable future, anxiety levels are building for many.
So, to help you deal with what lies ahead, Dr Miriam Stoppard reveals her answers to the questions we are all asking about our mental health and wellbeing...
QI use exercise to help my moods so I am worried this situation is going to be very hard to deal with. What else can I do?
AYou can still use exercise to help your moods because we’re all able to go outside once a day, though you’ll need to maintain social distancing. There are also lots of exercises you can do at home – suppleness exercises, balance exercises, running up and down stairs.
Plus, you can do some simple yoga exercises and find full workouts on YouTube.
Personal trainer Joe Wicks is doing a live 30-minute exercise routine Monday to Friday at 9am on YouTube, which you can do with him in real time or any other time.
QI’m feeling very anxious and don’t know how to cope. Everywhere I turn there is more terrifying news about coronavirus. What coping techniques might work?
ATalking to family and friends is one of the best ways of relieving anxiety. A trouble shared is a trouble halved. Set up certain times a day when you’ll Skype or FaceTime different members of the family and friends. There are also lots of apps that would help you, on meditation, mindfulness, stress relief and deep relaxation.
QThe thought of having to stay in my home for up to 12 weeks terrifies me. I cannot stand being cooped up. I don’t think I’ll be able to manage going out once a day.
AAll we can do is embrace the situation and make the most of it. This is a good time to do things you’ve been putting off for ages or things that take a long time.
Make a daily schedule. For example, do your spring cleaning: start with your windows on Monday, kitchen cupboards on Tuesday, your wardrobe on Wednesday, etc, as well as talking to friends and family and reading a book or watching a movie.
There are lots of online courses and quite a few are free. Never a better time to learn something new! The thing is to make a schedule that doesn’t allow downtime, so you don’t think about being cooped up.
QI live alone and now I can’t go to any of my clubs and see friends. I feel cut off. What can I do?
AWe have to be more creative and come up with ways to stay in touch with our friends and family. There’s always Skype and FaceTime but you can find apps that help you to have a “house party”, for example. You can also come up with themes for your chats with friends, such as afternoon tea, club night with music, pyjama party book club... The possibilities are endless!
QI have an elderly relative with dementia I cannot visit. They have no idea what is going on and will feel abandoned. What can I do? And is there a way I can explain it in a way they’ll understand?
AIf your relative has no idea of what’s going on, I don’t think your absence will make them believe you’ve abandoned them. The kindest thing to do, if they’re up to it, is to Skype or FaceTime so they can see your face and understand your explanation that none of us can leave home so we’re unable to visit.
QMy partner is a key worker and has to go to work but I am worried they are at risk.
AFirst of all, thank you to all key workers who work around the clock for us. In return, what we must do for them is stay at home and make sure we don’t shop in their dedicated hour. Seeing your partner leave every day is like watching a loved one going to war and many of us can remember saying goodbye to soldiers as they went off to fight in the Second World War. They are being selfless, we should be too.
QWhen I was forced to selfisolate I moved in with family to ensure we could all look after each other. But it’s harder than I thought living with my daughter and grandkids. What can I do?
AWell, it may be much harder than you thought to move in with your family but the reason for joining up with them is a good one.
And it really is a case of adapting, adjusting and compromising in an attempt to rub along with each other, because it’s worth making the effort. You could also use earphones to wall yourself off from the rest of the family and get some privacy by listening to music, audible books or podcasts.
QI’ve been self-isolating with my wife for a week and
tempers are fraying. I’m worried for our marriage by the end of the three months. What can I do?
AIf you feel your relationship can crack from the pressure, perhaps its time to investigate online therapy sessions.
More and more therapists offer online sessions so if you don’t want to – or, currently, can’t – leave your house you can still seek help. Most of them even offer a free initial consultation.
Online counselling is growing in popularity and I’m sure during these stressful times they’ll become even more popular.
Technology is a major part of our lives and we can put it to good use right now.
QWhat do you think the most important things are for me to do over the next few weeks to maintain my mental wellbeing?
AWith home isolation, we have a lot more time on our hands. So one way of dealing with the downtime while at the same time enjoying oneself is to draw up a reading list. You may have several books you’ve wanted to read for ages. And to give your reading some structure I would designate certain times every day to reading. It’s a good idea if you can fill your day with activities of different kinds, so give your day some structure with a timetable that takes you from breakfast to supper with interesting activities and you stick to your plan.
QI’ve always been a terrible sleeper and this has only made it worse. What can I do?
ATechnology to the rescue, yet again! There are so many apps you can download and try out. Some help get you to sleep with audio and visualisation experiences, others play soothing noises like thunder, wind, white noise and even the hubbub of a coffee shop.
There’s meditation-focused ones and some even play bedtime stories for children and adults alike. For a more science-based app, you can try one that tracks your sleep patterns and provides tips to optimise your sleep time. You might need to try a few of them to find one(s) that works.
QIt might sound trivial but I’m missing sport so much. I was a huge fan of many sports and now feel like there’s a huge hole in my life without it.
AWell, you might not be able to see live sports but there’s any amount of recorded sport. Maybe you could get interested in a sport which hasn’t appealed to you before, like snowboarding, swimming or bowls.
Perhaps you can host an online watch party and view one of your favourite games with your friends.
QEvery time I see the death toll go up I am terrified it’s going to be me or one of my family next. I can’t stop it.
AYES, YOU CAN STOP IT! The most powerful weapon we have against the coronavirus is staying at home and we must do that. Just staying at home can make us realise we have a degree of control over what’s happening. We are self-determinant. We are not wholly controlled by the virus.
QI’m really struggling to take in the enormity of what’s happening. Am I just in denial?
ANo. The coronavirus will change all our lives for ever. When the pandemic is over we’ll go back to “normal” but it won’t be the one we have known. We’ve taken many things for granted and won’t be able to again.
QI’m missing my mum so much but I know I can’t go to see her. I don’t know how we’ll manage for so long.
AI think most people struggle with not being able to see their loved ones face to face. So it’s important you set aside time each day to speak to your mum on the phone or Skype. As well as the daily calls, you can create specific activities you do together.
If your mum is elderly you could read to her every day. If you have animals your mum loves, make sure they’re in the video call to lift both of your spirits. If your mum likes games, you can also have game nights. The main thing is to spend real time together, even if you’re not physically together.