Dear Coleen

I CAN’T STAND MY BEST MATE’S RUDE FIANCEE

I’m a man in my 30s, married with one daughter. I have a best mate who I’ve known since primary school and he’s recently become engaged to a woman he’s been seeing for about 18 months.

The problem is, I can’t stand her. I know that sounds childish coming from someone my age, but she’s rude, cold and seems angry a lot of the time. It’s obvious she doesn’t like me and I’ve no idea why.

He’s stopped coming out as much – he always makes excuses, but I know she’s behind it. And whenever I’ve been over there, she barely acknowledges me and always leaves the room.

What is her problem?

I want to be happy for my mate, as he’d been single for a while before meeting his fiancée, but I just don’t like her and think he deserves better. I’m also upset his relationship seems to be ruining our long-standing friendship.

Coleen says

I’m afraid in this situation, you have to let your friend get on with it. Relationships do change friendships, not least because this person you used to see all the time isn’t available as much.

He’s obviously immersed in his relationship right now, but I think if you suggested that his fiancée was wrong for him, you’d probably lose him as a friend anyway.

It might be a case of meeting him on his own for a pint occasionally rather than him and his fiancée being a part of your group. And, at the moment, there’s an excuse for lots of Zoom or Skype chats.

The bottom line is, you can’t always get along with your mates’ partners but you can still make the friendship work.

There might be a bit of jealousy going on here that she’s taken him away from you. Just be his mate and, you never know, you might even grow to like his fiancée.