AFRAID OF FAMILY SPLIT IF I LEAVE HIM

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman in my late 50s and I’ve been married 30 years and have three grown-up children, who have all left home.

I’ve been unhappy in my marriage for a really long time, but felt trapped I suppose because of the children.

Now our kids have their own lives, there’s nothing stopping me leaving my husband, but I still have this terrible guilt over splitting up the family and the home we’ve lived in since the children were babies.

I think they’d be devastated if we divorced. But married life is miserable – we barely talk and haven’t had sex in 10 years – and he has no respect for my opinion.

I want leave him, but I can’t seem to find the courage to do it. I’d love to know what you think.

Dear Coleen

Well, it sounds to me as if the only thing holding you back is this guilt you describe, but you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.

You’ve been a good mum, brought your kids up to be happy and independent, and now you have the opportunity to do what you want with the rest of your life. Of course they’ll be upset, and divorce is never easy on anyone involved, but they’re grown-ups – they’ll understand and they’ll get over it.

You’ve spent so many years looking after other people and putting their needs first that it takes a big shift in mind-set to actually do something for yourself.

All I can tell you, as someone who’s been through two divorces, is that once you set the wheels in motion it’s a huge relief and you gain confidence with each step.

You start to see light at the end of the tunnel.

And if you feel properly supported – legally, as well as emotionally – it’ll make the process less painful.

Good luck.