HUSBAND’S LAZINESS IS DRIVING ME NUTS

Dear Coleen

My husband and I are both in our 30s and have two children. I work full time, while he works occasionally from home as a freelancer and does the majority of the childcare during the day.

However, before lockdown I’d come home from a long day in the office to find the house in a state and I’d have to clear up, make the tea and sort the kids.

During lockdown, he’s kept the kids entertained for the most part, but never lifts a finger to tidy up or make meals and it’s driven me nuts. Meanwhile, I’m stuck in our box room all day working to support us and don’t get so much as a cup of tea.

I’m starting to resent his laziness and lack of drive. I keep looking my friends’ husbands, who all seem to pull their weight.

Coleen says

He’s got no reason to change if you walk around behind him, clearing up his mess and cooking meals for everyone. I think it comes down to you working out how you can operate as a team – if you have to, draw up a chart about who’s responsible for what, make it fair and stick to it.

My daughter Ciara has drawn up a rota every week since the start of lockdown and it’s worked really well. We all know what we’re responsible for and it’s stopped any arguments or resentments brewing.

Also, try to have some empathy with each other. For example, doing the lion’s share of the childcare, especially during this lockdown with the added stress of home schooling, is not easy, so he deserves credit for that.

I think it comes down to communication, acknowledging where you could each do better and having some empathy for each other.