I’VE GONE OFF SEX AND DON’T KNOW WHY

Dear Coleen

I’ve been struggling in my relationship over the past few months. My boyfriend and I live together and he’s great – handsome, caring, funny – but I’ve really gone off sex and I’m coming up with increasingly inventive ways to avoid getting intimate.

I feel awful because I know this must be hurting him. To be honest, during lockdown, he pretty much gave up trying and doesn’t even bring it up any more. We’re both 28. Can you help?

Coleen says

I think you need to focus on working out why you don’t want sex. And rather than avoiding the topic, you have to acknowledge it’s an issue and talk to your boyfriend about it – how you feel, how he feels and what you can do about it.

Are you stressed? Are there any issues around sex itself? Do you really feel the same about him as you used to or are you just telling yourself you do?

Maybe he is the perfect partner on paper, but maybe the chemistry isn’t there.

I know it’s hard to confront these issues, but they won’t just disappear if you ignore them.

Of course being honest with yourself and with him means you run the risk of starting something that won’t have a happy ending, but things can’t carry on indefinitely the way they are or one of you will call it quits and it might be him.

Seeing a counsellor or a psychosexual counsellor could help you to work things out.