Elf and safety
Furry face masks, hand Saanta-tiser and ‘sparkly eyes’... we go to Santa school to learn how to run a virus-friendly grott
August isn’t over yet, but John Lewis has already launched its Christmas stock - two weeks earlier than usual - and searches for festive products are up a whopping 370%.
But forget mistletoe and wine, the 2020 festive season will be all about Christ-masks and Santa-tiser.
For, this week, some of Britain’s greatest St Nicks gathered to learn ho-ho-how to make their grottos coronavirus friendly at the 25th annual Santa School, being held at Southwark Cathedral in South London.
From red velvet face masks complete with fur trim, to social distancing and even a penguin postal service for Santa to deliver presents without touching them, this year marks some of the biggest changes to ever hit grottos.
Some Santas will even consider replacing traditional visits with online video calls.
“We’ve done quite a lot of work using Zoom, Facetime, and Facebook” says James Lovell, director of Santa training company Ministry of Fun.
“It’s quite good because you can still have a one-to-one conversation and, in many ways, a child getting a phone call from Santa through Facetime is a lovely thing. And if that’s what it takes then we’ll do it.
“But I do feel that the best thing is when you’re actually in the same room as Father Christmas.
“If you can do that safely and magically then we should.
“Everyone needs cheering up this year, more than ever before. And Father Christmas can do that, whether you’re seven or 107.”
So, James has produced a three-point plan to ensure kids can still be greeted into grottos by his team of 50 Santas, in December.
He says: “First of all, there’s the mask. We’ve got some lovely masks, they have red velvet with fur along the edge. Why hide it? If you’re wearing a mask then turn it into something.
“We did visors as well but funnily enough they steamed up when Santa put them on. It was interesting though because you don’t know these things until you try them.
“Secondly, the geography has changed. Normally the chair is much closer to Santa so he can lean over and interact with the child. But we’ve distanced it to a metre.
“From that distance it’s still perfectly possible for Father Christmas to chat to a child and for it to be just as intimate as it would normally be. The third thing is our genius penguin delivery sleigh. Santa obviously can’t hand a present to a child, so we needed to think of an way of doing it.
“So they pull a little string and presents travel along the floor to the child from Santa.
“Simple but it is very effective.”
Virus safety rules in mind, I take my seat observing the 10 other Santas (and of course, elves) in class. But I quickly learn there’s more to becoming Father Christmas than meets the eye.
Normally, training starts
February and new starters have two one-to-one sessions with James before progressing to the classroom.
Here, the first lesson the Santas learn is that when wearing a mask, eye contact is vital. James says: “This year, more than ever, the only bit the children can actually see is the eyes – so you need to smile with the eyes, laugh with the eyes, listen with your eyes. Eyes are very important. So sparkly eyes.” And, rather than shouting, Santas are taught to speak in a “heightened whisper”.
It’s also important to get the right mixture of magic and safety, while also making sure children feel special.
And, crucially, remember, the names of all the reindeer – get it wrong in class and you’ll be greeted by a chorus of “shoddy” and head-shaking from the other Santas.
On top of this, we’re told that typically Santa also travels at 1,280 miles per second and needs to learn to say Merry Christmas in at least 30 languages.
But most importantly of all, you’ve got to really love the role.
James says: “There’s no point turning up grumpy. You’ve got to be smiley and you’ve got to be happy. You’ve obviously got to have performance skills but equally important is just having the ability to chat to children – and not everybody can do that.
“It’s having the ability to have your wits about you and just have a nice conversation with a child.”
With all this in mind I changed into my Father Christmas costume, which cost £1,000 - complete with bulging belly.
But, as I took my seat in the grotto, I quickly learned that I was going to flunk Santa School. And not because I couldn’t pronounce “Merry Christmas” in Chinese.
I couldn’t be Santa because I was a girl. Standing at the front of the class with James I let out a big “hohoho” but no matter how much I tried I couldn’t get enough “depth”.
James explained: “There are certain physical parts of the job. I actually trained a girl last year, she was desperate to do it, we made her look great and she was actually very good with conversation.
“But the voice just wasn’t a bloke and when the elves came in to test her, they said she was good but she just wasn’t Santa. Unfortunately the voice is part and parcel of the role.”
So what does make the perfect Santa in 2020?
James explained: “I usually think by 35-years-old you’ve got the stature for the job and your voice is getting a bit
deeper but that’s not by any means a steadfast rule – we’ve had younger people who are good as well. “Size helps, if you’re a little bit big. But we’ve also got padding. If you’ve got a big white beard, that’s good too. But not everybody has that so that’s why we spend such a lot on getting our wn beards, which are £1,000 each.” And of course, looking slapdash is a big no-no.
“Nothing annoys me more than a shoddy looking Santa,” James says. “Last Christmas, I was walking up Oxford Street and saw somebody collecting money for charity wearing the worst Santa suit ever.
“The work he was doing was good. But he was wearing a dreadful suit, trainers, had his beard hanging round his neck and was smoking a cigarette and I thought, you should be locked up until January for that – it’s terrible!”
Luckily, none of the Santas here fall into that category.
In fact, one Santa describes it as “the best job in the world”. And another adds: “It’s a year-long vocation, you see. There is a song called I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day. In my case, it is Christmas every day, ho ho ho!
“We’ve had to take precautions at the North Pole, me and Mrs Claus, and also at the factory in Lapland.
“We make sure the elves socially distance. We make sure they wear their Christ-masks and used Santa-tiser. It’s all very good. And there’s always a big dollop of fun in there too.
“We spent lots of time with the reineeper deer during lockdown and Cupid and Comet get a little bit upset. Because anytime someone spoke about Covid-19 they’d look up as if it were feeding time and I’d say, no, not you.
“In the grottos we need to keep socially distanced too. But it doesn’t mean there’s going to be less love and less magic. Unfortunately things like hugs and cuddles can’t be done. But maybe we can save that for next time.”
So, while there’s no Christmas miracle that could make me manly enough to be a real Santa, not all festive hope is lost. For James adds: “You could be a brilliant elf. You have a lovely sparkle about you.”