Devastated he dumped me for girl who’s a family friend

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman in my late-20s and I had been seeing my boyfriend for just over a year. He recently told me it was over for him and he didn’t think the relationship was going anywhere, so we broke up. I was heartbroken, because I still love him and thought our next step would be moving in together.

What makes everything so much worse is that he’s been seeing someone else and she’s a girl I’ve known since we were kids, as our parents have been friends for years.

It just feels so close to home and so humiliating. My mum is this girl’s mum’s best friend and there are often parties and barbecues when we’re all together as one group.

Also, I can’t help thinking my boyfriend must have liked this girl when we were still together and it feels like our whole relationship was a lie.

I don’t know whether to confront her or speak to him, but neither of them has been in touch with me. I only found out via social media and other friends.

I feel so hurt because this wasn’t just a casual fling – I really loved this guy.

I’d love some advice, please.

Coleen says

I’ve been in a similar situation and you feel betrayed by your friend and also that your ex has crossed a line and it’s a horrible feeling. It’s harder to just ignore their relationship and focus on moving on with your own life while they’re still going to be in your orbit.

I think when it comes to get-togethers, if your ex and his new girlfriend are going to be there, just don’t go and tell your parents why you don’t want to attend.

I guess the one good thing about this lockdown situation is that there will probably be a lot less of those big parties with your family and this girl’s.

And just tell your mum you’re not interested in hearing about her and your ex, but I’m sure she’ll be sensitive to that sort of thing anyway.

Don’t drive yourself mad wondering if they fancied each other while you were still together. The bottom line is, if you were meant to be with this guy, you’d still be together, but he clearly wasn’t as committed as you were. Better to find out now than further down the line when you’ve invested even more in the relationship.

And look, his new situation might not last either. Focus on yourself and finding someone better suited to you.

Good luck.

I still love him and thought we’d move in together