Only a dummy wouldn’t wear a mask, Mr Trump

WHILE Donald Trump has repeatedly refused to wear a face mask during the pandemic, his Madame Tussauds wax figure in New York will greet visitors wearing one.

Yesterday, the Manhattan museum reopened for business and wanted a figure positioned perfectly at the door to remind guests of the city’s mask mandate.

“At over six feet, the President is quite the imposing figure, thus we felt he was the perfect figure to remind our guests to take those selfies safely masked,” Madame Tussauds’ Matthew Clarkson said.

My sources say it was either that or put his waxwork in the chamber of horrors section.

OFFICIALS in Woodland, North Carolina, rejected plans for a solar farm amid worries from residents it would “suck up all the energy from the Sun”. Already three farms have been approved in the area, but the locals are not impressed. Objecting, Bobby Mann said the farms would suck energy from the sun and businesses would not come to Woodland. “You’re killing your town,” he said. “All the young people are going to move out.” The council sided with residents and plans for the farm were defeated.

AN 11-stone tortoise which fled from a Tennessee home has been returned after 74 days.

Soloman was found after only managing to make it less than a mile during his bid for freedom.

POLICE attending an accident in North Carolina were hit by a Tesla driver who was watching a movie at the time. Devainder Goli, of Raleigh, was behind the wheel using the car’s autopilot feature when the vehicle slammed into a Nash County Sheriff’s Office deputy’s vehicle.

He is accused of violating the move-over law and watching television while operating a vehicle, according to officials.

Wondering what movie he was watching?

Crash.

POLICE in Liberty, Mississippi are on the hunt for the owner of a mysterious dog which chewed a vital fibre optic cable to pieces.

Communications between the courthouse and a nearby Justice Court building were lost, costing taxpayers thousands of dollars to have it repaired.

Sheriff Tim Wroten says he has a suspect in mind, but, so far, lacks evidence to hold up any charges.

FLYERS left behind nearly a million dollars in change at US airport security checkpoints last year.

P.S. AFTER months of not working, my barman Richard is preparing to head back and he’s looking forward to the perks of his job. “My hands have been consuming more alcohol than my mouth, but that’s about to be put right,” he told me.