I DO NOT WANT MANIPULATIVE DAD IN MY LIFE

Dear Coleen

My dad split with my mum over 20 years ago when I was a child.

We’ve had a very on/off relationship, but this year he’s tried to come back into my life. I don’t trust him, as he’s done some shady things throughout my life such as making me watch horror films when I was a child without explaining what they were.

If I don’t contact him, he contacts my brother and my mum to pester them about why I won’t talk to him, which is stressful for them.

Being in touch with him affects my mental health, as he’s a manipulative person and I’ve given him multiple chances, only to be let down again and again.

I want to cut ties completely, knowing that it won’t impact on the ones I love. What can I do?

Coleen says

You should cut ties – you’re not ready to welcome him into your life. I don’t think he deserves it at the moment – it’s up to him to rebuild this relationship from an honest place, owning the decisions he’s made that have affected you.

Right now he’s not doing that and not enhancing your life. He hasn’t been a good father and has let you down. It’s going to take a lot to convince you to trust him.

I think it’s worth considering counselling, so you can work through how you feel. It might also help you find a way back to him at some stage or even just accept the past – and him for what he is – and move forward with your life.

Send a message or call him and explain how you feel. Ask him not to involve your mum or brother – you’re an adult and it’s your decision. It’s lovely you care about your mum and brother, but sometimes we please everyone except ourselves. It’s time you did something for you.