Should I accept boyfriend’s offer of a breast reduction?

Dear Coleen

I’ve been divorced for about seven years. It was really messy and I was quite hurt from the experience.

I had two daughters from my marriage. Afterwards, I went at bit mad – partying and holidays – and decided to use some of the money I got from the divorce settlement on cosmetic surgery. I went for breast implants, as some of my friends had had the op.

A first I loved my new breasts and all the attention

I got, but that was only temporary. Over the years, I’ve become more self-conscious and realise now how silly I was.

For the past two years I’ve been seeing someone who is younger than me after meeting via Tinder. In fact, there’s nearly a decade between us – I’m 42 and he is 33.

At times we’ve found having a relationship tricky because of the age gap. During lockdown we ended up spending a lot of time together and I explained to him how I regretted getting such big boobs.

He told me he’d pay for a second operation to go smaller or remove the implants if that would make me happier.

I’m not sure if I should take him up on the offer. What do you think?

Coleen says

I think you have to consider what’s behind the offer. If he’s doing it because he loves you and wants you to be happier and more confident – no strings attached – then I don’t see what’s wrong with that.

However, if you are worried about the stability of the relationship and that he might throw this back in your face at some point in the future, or he has made the offer because it’s what he’d like, then that’s different.

To be honest, I don’t think you’d be writing to me if you were comfortable with taking the money, so there’s something stopping you and you have to work out what that is.

You mention your relationship has been rocky because of the age gap, so perhaps that’s what you need to focus on first.

Don’t take the money and have the op because you feel insecure about the relationship. If you’re uncertain of where you stand or where the relationship is heading, then you need to have an honest discussion about those things.

A breast reduction isn’t going to magically make you feel better about the relationship, but it might make you feel better about yourself. The most important thing is to do it for you and because you want it – not for any other reason.

I now regret getting bigger boobs after my divorce