I’M DIVORCING BUT FEEL SORRY FOR KIDS

Dear Coleen

I’m a 40-year-old woman and have decided to proceed with divorcing my husband. Our relationship wasn’t great pre-lockdown, but being forced together 24/7 over the past few months made me realise that I wanted out of the marriage.

I know it’s the right decision – ultimately – for all of us, but I feel enormous guilt because we have two young children. Their lives have already been upended by being away from school and their friends, and now I’m about to dump this on them.

Do you have any advice?

Coleen says

I don’t think there’s ever a good time to begin divorce proceedings. And, in fact, if things have been hard at home, then the kids will have absorbed some of the stress and that’s not good for their wellbeing.

My sons were young when I divorced their father and I, too, felt enormous guilt. However, my ex and I agreed from day one that we’d put the kids first and do everything in our power to keep them away from any stress and also to protect their routines as much as possible. I hope you’re able to come to the same conclusion with your husband and agree not to use the kids as a weapon or a bargaining tool, or badmouth each other in front of them.

I promise that if you can do that, things will be easier and your kids will be grateful for it later in life. When my sons were older and the divorce was a distant memory, both of them told me how thankful they were that their dad and me handled it in the way we did.

No divorce is easy, but I think if you can maintain a civil relationship for the sake of the kids, you’ll all benefit in the long run. Good luck.