STUCK IN A RUT WHILE MY MATES MOVE FORWARD

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman aged 31 and I’m really struggling to have any direction in life. I have a job that’s OK – it pays the bills – and I have friends, but haven’t had a significant relationship in years.

I find it hard, seeing all my friends moving forward with their lives – relationships, weddings, kids, career moves – while I seem to be standing still. How can I catch up?

I’ve had lots of time to think about things during lockdown and while working from home, and feel I’m at a crossroads, but have no idea which path to take.

Am I being overly dramatic (which is what my mum thinks)?

Coleen says

OK, I think at your stage in life it can be tough if you’re single and you’re watching all your mates achieve things that you want – marriage, children and so on. It makes you feel a bit excluded and panicky. I get that.

However, it’s a real mistake to compare yourself to other people – everyone has a unique set of circumstances and their own problems. Plus if you’re so focused on what others have, it takes the focus away from you and creating the life you want.

It’s not about “catching up” – life isn’t a race and people get to where they want in different ways and on different timescales.

I think you have to first decide what it is you actually want, list your priorities and then think about what steps you can take to get there. Also, realise some of these things might not happen overnight. Some counselling or life coaching might help, too.

Don’t push your friends away – include yourself and talk to them about how you feel. Also, remember that the grass isn’t always greener. Your mates who are exhausted from parenting possibly envy your life sometimes.