RISKY LOVE FOR DEAD HUBBY’S BROTHER

Dear Coleen

I’ve grown close to my brother-in-law and I think we have a chance at a relationship. My husband died several years ago from alcohol-related health issues and I’ve been on my own since then. I’m in my 50s and have two teenage children.

My brother-in-law has no kids and is divorced, so the situation is a bit less complicated for him. However, we’re both worried about how the family would take it, especially my kids and his sister who is difficult at the best of times.

His parents have passed away, so that’s not an issue.

I don’t want to have to keep secrets, but I’m worried about things being out in the open. Do you have any advice?

Coleen says

I think it’s a potentially awkward situation and I suppose some people might be surprised or shocked or judge it as being inappropriate.

But it depends on how much you need the family’s approval and his sister’s approval in particular. If you want to tell people you’re a couple, then perhaps leave him to deal with his sister and the rest of the family, while you concentrate on your kids and explaining things to them.

Being teenagers, they’re at quite a vulnerable stage in life and there’s a chance they’ll feel you’re betraying their dad in some way, so I think you have to be prepared for that.

I would take it slowly as far as the kids go, because there’s always a chance the relationship might not evolve beyond what it is now.

As with any blended family situation, it takes time and effort from everyone involved.

The important thing is to have open and honest communication from the start, so your kids feel they can come to you with any concerns or issues.