25 new brothers and sisters.. and counting
Brit flies to US to meet family from the same sperm donor
OLI Benjamin always knew he was conceived via a sperm donor, but was hoping to find some family connections.
So when he signed up to a website that helps donor children find their biological family he was delighted to discover he had 25 brothers and sisters in America – and they all wanted to meet him.
Oli, 21, who was born to mum Jody and her partner after they went to the US for IVF treatment, says: “I signed up to a US website that helps children of sperm donors find each other.
“About six months ago I got an email from someone called Jordan with the subject line, ‘Nice to meet you’.”
Jordan told Oli they were half-siblings – and that there were plenty more out there.
Jordan was also in touch with their donor dad Daley, who had changed his mind about keeping his donations anonymous.
Oli was thrilled when he joined the family WhatsApp group, but his Asperger’s Syndrome meant things did not always go smoothly.
The Londoner says: “I just got such a warm fuzzy feeling that I had never experienced before. I felt for the first time actually I had these people that had my back. In the beginning it was great. It went quite well.”
But Oli’s literal style in messages ended in friction with some siblings.
He said: “It sort of turned out quite
differently.” Heartbreakingly, he told the group: “I don’ t get emotional about this stuff. My Asperger’s makes me a bit of a robot.”
Mum Jody says: “Emotionally his Asperger’s is very clear in that he doesn’t feel things the same way you or I would feel. He is hardwired differently. I know Oli has wanted social connections but it doesn’t come naturally to him. This is down to his inability to understand another person’s situation.
“In his world things are black and white. You have an argument, you have a debate, the emotional side doesn’t come into it.”
Undeterred, Oli went ahead with his plans to travel to America and meet his half-siblings in the flesh.
And one thing they all had in common was their green eyes. Each of them also had an extraordinary story to tell.
There was Lynzey, whose dad could not have children so he and her mum decided to use a sperm donor.
Brooklynn and her full siblings, twins Jordan and Spencer, were all from the same donor, but only found out three years ago that the man they thought of as their dad was not their biological father.
There was Kelly who, wondering why she was the only one in her family with green eyes, bought a DNA testing kit. And two of the half-siblings had been at school together without realising it.
Oli also met donor Daley, but felt he has more in common with his two mums. He says: “Genetics are the door to relationships, but they’re not relationships.”
25 siblings and me is on BBC Three and iPlayer from Sunday.
Genetics are the door to relationships, but they’re not relationships
OLI BENJAMIN ON MEETING HIS DONOR DAD AND HALF-SIBLINGS