Jess a quickie...ie... Jess say that again?

All rise for a standing ovation for Strictly Come Dancing… well, for the producers behind this years’ coronavirus safety measures, that is.

Show bosses have announced that one from each of this year’s dancing pairs must self-isolate completely on their own – no family around – for the show’s entire run, while the other can live at home and carry on as normal.

The science and stats behind the arrangement all make sense, but here’s the real genius: the pair must choose between themselves.

YouTuber HRVY tested positive this week so surely he’s getting the selfisolation short straw. But what about the others?

Will the pros take the lead and offer to go it alone? Will they expect celebs to put Strictly before socialising? Or will there be chaos, squabbles and tantrums before the dance shoes even go on?

Let’s hope they film it all for a new spin off. I think Strictly Come Dancing: Rumba in the Jungle could quickstep its way to a Bafta.

Sir David Attenborough has broken the world record time to reach one million Instagram followers, beating Jennifer Aniston. The wildlife legend hit the magic figure in just four hours 44 minutes – 30 minutes faster than the Friends star.

Sir David’s popularity means he could now earn up to £11,000 a paid post if he were so inclined. But as with most of his career, he’s once more outshone by animals. Because Jiff the Pomeranian can earn double Sir David per post. And even in dog years, he’s a good three decades younger. That’s ruff.

Footballer Peter Crouch has told how a lockdown flood caused £80,000 of damage to his £3million home.

But here’s the kicker: the damage was to just one of his four children’s bedrooms.

Now I appreciate Crouchy is not short on cash, but £80,000 in a kids’ room? What is it? An offshoot of Disneyworld? A mini Wembley Stadium? Are they using the FA Cup as a make-do toy box?

Maybe Crouch is having to completely rebuild the room from scratch.

Yet even then, there’s only one way the bricks would cost that much…if they were made out of Lego.