I’M STRUGGLING SINCE MY PARTNER DIED

Dear Coleen

I lost my partner in 2007 and, since then, I just seem to be floating through life waiting for it all to come to an end.

I have a beautiful daughter and granddaughter, but it doesn’t stop the pain, even though I adore them. Doctors haven’t helped – they just shove a prescription at me loaded with antidepressants.

How can I learn to be happy with my life again?

Coleen says

First of all, the antidepressants aren’t helping, using them is like putting a plaster on the problem instead of looking at the causes of your depression.

I think counselling is your best option in terms of learning to be happy again. Ask your GP about a referral. There’s often a long waiting list on the NHS but, in the meantime, you could find a private therapist through the British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy (bacp.co.uk).

You’ll be able to talk about everything without being judged and just get it all off your chest, which is liberating in itself. I can tell you it’s worthwhile, but you have to give it time and it can be a painful journey because it forces you to look at things that are difficult to bear. However, if you can stick with it, counselling can change your life.

You have so much to live for and be grateful for – a wonderful daughter and granddaughter who love you. However, I understand that losing your partner has left a big hole in your life that’s difficult to fill.

Grief affects everyone in different ways and there’s no time limit on it – you don’t wake up one morning to find those feelings have magically disappeared. It’s a process and, for some of us it takes longer than it does for others.

The bereavement charity Cruse (cruse.org.uk) and mental health charity Mind (mind.org. uk) both provide excellent information and support.