I’M SO DRAINED IN BOOMERANG RELATIONSHIP

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman in my thirties and I’ve been having an on-off relationship for the past four years. We’ve ended it frequently, usually after I’ve got so sick of his behaviour that I throw him out. My biggest issues with him are that he lacks commitment and is directionless.

During at least two of these break-ups I know he’s slept with another woman, but he always comes back, asking to be forgiven and begging me to try again.

We’ve recently got back together, but I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this. The thing is, I miss him when he’s not here and he’s the only guy I’ve wanted to spend my life with. It sucks!

Can this ever work?

Coleen says

If you want me to be completely honest, I don’t think so. I know it’s tough when you have feelings for someone, but I would spare yourself the heartbreak and move on with your life.

It’s very hard, if not impossible, to change someone – they have to want to change themselves. This toxic cycle you’re in almost seems addictive and I wonder why that is – are you attracted to the drama or is your lack of confidence keeping you tied to a relationship that’s not good for you?

You need to have a long hard think about what you’re actually getting out of this and how it’s affecting your wellbeing and your life. He won’t commit and often when you do break up, he doesn’t waste time in sleeping with someone else.

I don’t believe there’s just one person in the world who’s right for you, but you won’t meet anyone else if you cling on to this one.