IT WON’T BE THE SAME WITHOUT MUM

Dear Coleen

My mother died a few months ago – not Covid-19 related – and I’m still struggling to come to terms with it. I’m especially dreading Christmas, as usually she would have spent it with my family and me.

This Christmas, it’ll just be my husband, me and our three kids for the first time in many years and it’ll be so obvious that my mum isn’t with us.

Do you have any advice on anything that’ll make it easier to bear? I want my children to have a nice time after a difficult year.

Coleen says

The first Christmas without a loved one is always tough and this year, when life has been so challenging, it might feel extra hard. If you’re not celebrating with wider family this year, you might feel a bit isolated with your grief, but you can still reach out to them with a phone call or a group video call to talk about your mum and share some memories of her.

Also, don’t worry too much about the children – I’m sure they’ll be happy playing with their new toys and bingeing on Christmas telly and games.

Do what feels right for you – you can’t force yourself to be full of Christmas joy if that’s not how you feel. If you want to retreat from the craziness for an hour or two, that’s OK.

You could also plan a little remembrance day for your mum – take a walk with the family to her favourite spot, plant something in her memory or just look through some family photos with your kids and share stories with them.

You shouldn’t worry that you’re still struggling with grief – it’s only been a few months since your mum died and there’s no time limit on coming to terms with it. It might also help to have bereavement counselling – visit cruse.org.uk for advice and support.