MY EX IS IGNORING HIS PARENTAL DUTIES

Dear Coleen

I’m having a nightmare with my ex-boyfriend with whom I have a three-year-old daughter. He’s supposed to have her every second weekend, but over the past few weeks he’s been coming up with excuses about why he can’t have her and it’s usually work related.

I believed him until someone saw him out in a pub with his live-in girlfriend one Saturday night when he was supposed to have our daughter. I feel upset for her, but also I need a break from childcare because I’m the one looking after her most of the time.

I don’t want to start a big row with him because I don’t want him to disappear entirely, but this has really made me angry and I don’t know what he’s playing at.

Any advice?

Coleen says

I think you need to have a calm discussion about the impact it’s having on your daughter. Consistency and routine are important to children and if she hasn’t already asked why she hasn’t seen her dad, I’m sure she will soon.

I wonder if he’s under pressure from his girlfriend to spend those weekends with her – ask him. His girlfriend has to accept that if she dates him, he comes with a child and his child isn’t going anywhere. It’s about communicating and working together to make things agreeable for everyone involved.

As for you needing a break, I know it’s tough right now with Covid restrictions, but as you’re a single parent, you can be in a support bubble.

If you’ve bubbled up with another family or your parents, could they provide some respite to allow you a bit of time for yourself while you work things out with your ex?

But don’t shy away from asking him for some answers – it shouldn’t have to cause an argument, plus he’s well aware of his responsibilities as a parent.