She quickly split from new husband and slags him off
Dear Coleen
A good friend of mine has been married for a little over a year and she’s recently told me the marriage is over and she’s asked her husband to leave.
Before they got wed, I had my doubts about whether it was a good idea or not and I told her so. Her husband was besotted by her – he’s very handsome and was a bit of a player, and I think it appealed to her that she’d “tamed” him and that she basically had him eating out of the palm of her hand.
I also know she was attracted by the prospect of a big fancy wedding.
I don’t know the ins and outs of what went wrong in the marriage, but I have a strong suspicion she didn’t love him going into the marriage and went ahead with it anyway, hoping for the best.
I don’t think she took it seriously from the start and I don’t think she even tried to save the relationship – she just bailed after hitting the first bump in the road.
Her husband is absolutely crushed and I really feel for him. My husband and I have grown to really like him and now consider him a friend.
I’m irritated every time she wants to badmouth him.
Should I tell her what I think?
Coleen says
You’re thinking and suspecting a lot about your friend and her marriage, but do you really know the facts?
You say you don’t know the ins and outs of why the marriage imploded, so I think it’s wrong to put two and two together and perhaps make five.
There are two sides to every story and I actually think it was brave of your friend to end a year-old marriage when she realised it wasn’t for her. She must have known it would be talked about and she might be criticised, and she probably feels like she’s failed.
However, it’s far more sensible to take decisive action rather than let a bad relationship limp on, which would have been soul destroying for her husband, too.
Maybe if you show you have some empathy she’ll open up to you and then you can say you feel uncomfortable when she badmouths her hubby because he’s a friend too, and he’s devastated.
She might have washed her hands of him and their marriage, but he’s struggling and there’s no need to be unkind.
Sadly, many people get wrapped up in and carried away by the wedding itself and end up walking down the aisle with doubts because they feel it’s too late to back out and let people down.
She fancied a big wedding but didn’t really love him