Let’s do this together
Celebrations for today’s National Love Your Pet Day in Dark Lord Towers have been marred bigly by the baseless and outrageously fraudulent claims that labradors and cockapoos are the most huggable hounds.
The big floppy, loveable dogs have clearly tried to steal the results of a survey by dog food experts Butternut Box, which found that 18% of their respondents loved labs the most, followed by an equally misguided 17% who chose cockapoos. Big mistake.
This is fake news and I demand a recount! We all know that pugs are the most roly-poly, scrumptious doggies of all time – yet this election fix saw them scrape just 5% of the vote.
Even the chow chows got more votes than pugs and, no one even knows what they are!
It’s time to Make Pugs Great Again, folks. My election manifesto is simple – we’re going to build a wall. Yep. A big wall. Between pugs and their food bowls. Not that this will stop them eating their own body weight in dry balls, but at least it will give us something to do with all the empty food boxes.
And we’re going to invest in pugs. Every family should have access to one – for hugs (as long as you hold your breath), as bell-shaped fridge door stops, as early morning flappy-ear wake-up calls and to cover your furniture in a fine layer of beige hair… there is no use too small or smelly for a pug.
We are also going to arm our military forces with pugs. Brave, dependable, and loyal – you know where you are with a pug. OK, that’s usually because you can always hear them snuffling alongside you, but when cornered by left-wing antifa, a pug will eat their faces off if there’s even a sniff of a crumb of a crisp. There’s no I in comrade when it comes to a pug’s snacky-snacks.
And finally, at the Save Pug Hugs rally I have organised outside Pets R Us this weekend, I want you all to fight like hell. Although I am not inciting riots if you choose to run amok in the squeaky dog toy section.
Trust me, this movement to Make Pugs Great Again has only just begun…
Email me at siobhan.mcnally@mirror.co.uk or write to Community Corner, PO Box 791, Winchester SO23 3RP.