Let’s do this together
Sharing a bathroom with a long-haired teenager in a lockdown when you have a hair phobia is tipping me over the edge. If someone doesn’t open up a hairdresser’s soon, I’m going to go bananas.
Staying on the fruit theme, like pears in a bowl that are hard, hard, hard… then rotten, everyone’s Covid barnets have suddenly started looking a bit wild. Even BBC weathermen are sporting flyaway hair, and my own over-bleached long locks are now more split end than hair.
We’ve had all sorts of DIY shenanigans with The Dark Lord’s thick, dark, curly hair over this lockdown, but what it really needs is someone to take a garden strimmer to it and give her a good shearing.
I tried to straighten the wavy rug for her the other day and it’s so impenetrable, I got lost and my arms were so tired, they had to send in a jungle search-and-rescue team to find me.
It seems particularly cruel that given my particular aversion to follicles, that I should give birth to somebody with such a dense undergrowth.
All teenagers need to learn bathroom etiquette, like not leaving gnarly toe clippings in the bath or loo seats up, and especially my biggest hang-up – leaving hair in brushes or the shower plug.
When my daughter fails to clear up after herself, I stand there making retching parrot noises like: “Yak, yak, yak! Jessssssse – come here and de-hair the shower before I’m sick. Yak!”
It’s my bete noire, my Rubicon and my Achilles heel all rolled into one big hair ball. But it seems it will never be resolved, as conversations in our house tend to start and end like this: Jesse: “You need help for that phobia.” Me: “You need less hair.” Email me at siobhan.mcnally@mirror.co.uk or write to Community Corner, PO Box 791, Winchester SO23 3RP.